The random goings on of the Seventh Heaven bar
by thelionheartedgirl
Summary: A collection of random stuff. Chapter 1 - when children go bad. This is what happens when you cross Marlene and Denzel with Jenga blocks and permanent markers. Rated T for threat, language and bad influences. XD. WARNING: VERY OOC! you've been warned


**When children go bad... MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!**

***Soundtrack – Everyday I love you less and less by Kaiser Chiefs and Girls by the prodigy***

***It's ****supposed ****to be OOC, so don't come whining to me about the fact that none of the characters would actually say any of the stuff in this fanfic. Sorry, but I will get mad if you point this out. Sorry. :( Also, if anyone flames me, I won't take it lightly. I am well aware of my lack of skill in writing, so please don't feel the need to point it out to me, but if you could suggest areas which I could improve it would be a great help. Thank-you and enjoy I guess... o_O***

"Everyday I love you less and less. Da doo doo doo dee dee da da da dum..."

Tifa hummed along merrily to a cheery little song playing on the radio, whilst watching her two adopted children, Denzel and Marlene, who were currently playing a very humiliating version

of Jenga. The rules were that whoever lost ended up with an extra facial feature drawn on in permanent marker. Denzel was currently bearing moustache, goatee and a monobrow.

Marlene had cats' whiskers.

"You DO realize this won't wash off, don't you?" Denzel sniggered, as he drew a big thick black line connecting both of Marlene's eyebrows. She shrugged, and then added with a smirk:

"At least I don't have a moustache like SOMEBODY I could mention!"

"That can be easily fixed!!!" he yelled in mock anger, and hurled the marker towards her, aimed at her forehead. She squealed and ducked just in time and it flew over her head and hit the

far wall, black ink spattering everywhere.

"..."

"...oops...?"

Tifa sighed and shook her head in disbelief. That was gonna take some scrubbing.

"Go on, clear off you two! If you're going to play with permanent pens, go play with them _outside!_" she snapped, staring glumly at the smashed marker and the mess it had created on her

new cream wallpaper. The two kids bounced past her and into the front garden, their arms full of Jenga blocks and a variety of different coloured markers.

She shook her head again and got back to washing the dishes whilst singing along to the radio. A few minutes later, Yuffie bounded through the front door and came over to the sink

where Tifa was still washing the dishes.

"Heya Teef. Y'know, you really should get a dishwasher now that this place is pulling in more cash. It'd save a helluva lot of time. Oh, yeah, and the locals are all fired up over something."

She told Tifa casually.

"Really? What about?"

"Not quite sure, but I definitely overheard someone saying something about permanent pen wielding children..." She replied, stifling a giggle. Tifa's expression was a blank one.

"Oh really. How lovely for them."

"Uh... y-yeah, I guess..." Yuffie gave Tifa a WTF are you on about look and turned to leave, but just as she did so, two frightened, pen covered children burst through the door, sending her

flying.

"T-Tifa...help...hide...HE'S GONNA KILL US!!!" Denzel gasped, his arms wrapped around Tifa's waist in terror.

"Wha...?"

Just then came the sound of three motorbikes pulling up outside the bar. A moment later a tall blonde man and his two silver haired accomplices burst through the door. They all looked

thoroughly pissed off.

"Alright, who's the asshole that trashed our bikes?!!" The blonde haired man snapped angrily, smashing a powerful fist down on a nearby table, causing the two children to flinch. Then,

there was a long, agonizing silence that seemed to last for an eternity. Until Yuffie broke it.

"Hold on – just who the CRAP are you people?!" She cried, flailing her arms above her head in confusion. The blonde haired man smiled dangerously and replied

"My name is Cloud. This is Loz." He waved a hand in the vague direction of the man to his left. "And this is Yazoo." He added, jerking his head in the direction of the sneering long haired

man to his right.

"W-what do you want?!" Yuffie stammered from her hiding place under the kitchen sink. Loz opened his mouth to speak but Yazoo beat him to it.

"What we _want, _little girl." He spat, his voice dripping with hatred and pure rage. "Is the two kids who just fucking trashed our bikes, and publicly humiliated us in front of hundreds of

people!"

"Yeah, so just hand 'em over and nobody get hurt." Loz added, pulling a six inch long kitchen knife from his back pocket. Tifa gasped, horrified, and ordered the kids to hide under the

kitchen sink. Yuffie leapt up to let the two terrified children hide, and stood in a fighting stance next to Tifa. Yazoo's eyes lit up with anticipation, and Loz cracked his knuckles

impatiently.

"Wanna play?" He asked with an evil smirk, and both men took a step forward. Suddenly, Cloud put a hand on their chests to stop them, and put a finger to his lips for silence. Far off in

the distance, barely audible but clearly getting closer, was the sound of sirens. All three men exchanged panicked glances and then promptly fled the bar as fast as they could run. As

soon as the sound of their bikes faded into the distance, Denzel and Marlene leapt up from under the sink and ran over to give Tifa a big hug. She smiled down at them, clearly relieved

that they were safe, and then turned and sank into the nearest chair with a weary sigh. Yuffie and the two orphans sat on the sofa opposite her, and promptly fell asleep. Tifa, who wasn't

too fond of sleeping in the daytime, picked up a magazine and idly flicked through it, allowing her mind to wander. A loud knock at the door brought her back to reality, and she reluctantly

pulled herself to her feet. She paused at the door, her hand hovering above the handle. What if it was those men again? This thought was soon dismissed, however, as she realized that

if it was the three men again, they wouldn't have felt obliged to knock. She shrugged and opened the door to reveal a very concerned looking local.

"Are you all okay?! I saw those guys go into your bar after those kids of yours drew on their bikes, so I called the police! Are you alright?! Did they hurt you?!" He blurted, his face a mask

of fear and worry.

"We're all fine, don't worry." She reassured him, and then added for good measure "And don't you worry about the kids. As soon as my guest leaves they'll be receiving the lecture of a

lifetime!" This seemed to satisfy the man, and he turned and walked back to his house. Just before he disappeared into the building, she cried out:

"HEY!"

He turned to look back at her in confusion.

"Thankyou."

The man simply smiled and then closed the his front door behind him and was gone. She sighed and sat on the steps outside her front door, and as she waited for the police to arrive, she

wondered if guardian angels really did exist...

***Is it just me or was the ending of this story reeeaaallly cheesy??? I don't even know why I put that angel thing in there, it just randomly came to me. I may delete that part soon. Maybe... also, Tifa doesnt like sleeping in the daytime because I don't - I find it really disorientating when I wake up and don't know what time it is. So yeah. That's all for now peeps. L8R!!! Please review and constructive criticism would be highly appreciated. Thankies!***


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